Queued up some stuff for tomorrow.

It’s killing me not to go through my dash the way I used to. I feel like I’m missing out on so much. 

I have a lot of shows I need to catch up on.

I need to sleep.

I need to read my books.

I don’t want to weigh myself tomorrow.

Every muscle in my body hurts more than usual.

I still can’t stop thinking about her. I love her smile, and I’m anticipating the next time I get to see it again(Monday).

I still feel lonely. 

I need to check my bank account.

I don’t want to check my bank account.

Taxes…for some reason they scare me. I don’t fucking know why.

I miss my friends. I think one of them is avoiding me. I have a feeling she knows, and now feels uncomfortable around me. There have been several occasions when I’ve tried to set up times for us to hang out, and she’s bailed on all those times. I had a feeling this was going to happen, and now I’m even more terrified to come out to my other friends.

I’m disliking him more everyday, and I couldn’t care less. At this point, I’m just pissed off about the whole situation. I shouldn’t have gone out with him. It’s like I used him. I used him just so I can say I finally went out on a date. As punishment, that first date was a disaster.

I’m going to sleep now.

Tomorrow will be my Friday.

Finally.

I don’t always cry when I get frustrated. It’s just…today was awful. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. I’m so drained.

Work sucked. It sucks when you have to deal with residents who don’t appreciate what you do, and verbally abuse you, and you can’t blame them because they’re mentally impaired. So you just have to put up with their shit while you take care of them, chart their behavior and move on without an apology. No closure. Just deal with it. Easier said than done when you’re susceptible to taking things too personally. It also sucks when your resident refuses care, and it makes you look bad because, to the nurse, it looks like you’re not doing your job. So when the nurse convinces the resident that you have to take care of them, the resident gets pissed off and takes it out on you. Awesome. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I started to work at my job, it’s that people LOVE to shoot the messenger, and I’m one severely wounded bird.

To add to the above, I’m currently in a lot of pain, and I’m super tired. Abs hurt, legs hurt, arms hurt, and feet hurt. I had no motivation to go to the gym today. It took me a while to leave the house. I feel like I half assed my workout. Like, I modified a lot of stuff. I did go to Spin Class, but I just wasn’t all too stoked about it as I was a couple days ago. Now my ass hurts, so there’s that on top of everything else that hurts. I almost left kickboxing early ‘cause I just couldn’t keep up with everyone like I usually do.

Now, because I’m frustrated, angry, and annoyed, I ate a few bad things for dinner and over ate. I’m too full, and to tired to stay upright to let the food digest properly.

It doesn’t help when it’s times like this when I’m keenly aware of how lonely I am. Especially since I’ve been thinking of her a lot more than usual, and I’m afraid I’m falling hard. I’ve had crushes before, but this one is different and new to me. I still don’t know if I should be thinking what I’m thinking, but the possibility of something actually happening with this person makes me hopeful. Granted, it may be false hope, but I can’t help but wish. This isn’t going to end well, and I’m going to get hurt again. I just know it.

I have to sleep now. I need to start waking up earlier for work. If I continue to be late I’m going to get written up. Super.

Relevant RN