I don’t always cry when I get frustrated. It’s just…today was awful. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. I’m so drained.

Work sucked. It sucks when you have to deal with residents who don’t appreciate what you do, and verbally abuse you, and you can’t blame them because they’re mentally impaired. So you just have to put up with their shit while you take care of them, chart their behavior and move on without an apology. No closure. Just deal with it. Easier said than done when you’re susceptible to taking things too personally. It also sucks when your resident refuses care, and it makes you look bad because, to the nurse, it looks like you’re not doing your job. So when the nurse convinces the resident that you have to take care of them, the resident gets pissed off and takes it out on you. Awesome. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I started to work at my job, it’s that people LOVE to shoot the messenger, and I’m one severely wounded bird.

To add to the above, I’m currently in a lot of pain, and I’m super tired. Abs hurt, legs hurt, arms hurt, and feet hurt. I had no motivation to go to the gym today. It took me a while to leave the house. I feel like I half assed my workout. Like, I modified a lot of stuff. I did go to Spin Class, but I just wasn’t all too stoked about it as I was a couple days ago. Now my ass hurts, so there’s that on top of everything else that hurts. I almost left kickboxing early ‘cause I just couldn’t keep up with everyone like I usually do.

Now, because I’m frustrated, angry, and annoyed, I ate a few bad things for dinner and over ate. I’m too full, and to tired to stay upright to let the food digest properly.

It doesn’t help when it’s times like this when I’m keenly aware of how lonely I am. Especially since I’ve been thinking of her a lot more than usual, and I’m afraid I’m falling hard. I’ve had crushes before, but this one is different and new to me. I still don’t know if I should be thinking what I’m thinking, but the possibility of something actually happening with this person makes me hopeful. Granted, it may be false hope, but I can’t help but wish. This isn’t going to end well, and I’m going to get hurt again. I just know it.

I have to sleep now. I need to start waking up earlier for work. If I continue to be late I’m going to get written up. Super.